What Are YOU Holding On To?

Today I’d like to tell you the story of the man who confused being extremely busy with being productive and having a rich, fulfilling life. Why am I telling you this? As entrepreneurs, it can be all-too-easy to become so focused on the prize that we lose sight of what really matters. As coaches, we can see this in our clients as well.

Once, a long, long time ago, I had a client (let’s call him Mel) who was an incredibly productive guy. Well, at first glance it appeared that he was. Let me paint a picture of what his life looked like: he had a big job on Wall Street, and a beautiful house outside of New York City, where he lived with his wife and 2 young sons. He deeply loved his wife and kids. He studied karate with his sons. He was also deacon of an inner-city church in his old neighborhood – and did volunteer work for them as well. When I knew him, he was in coach training, so he spent many hours every week fulfilling his coursework, and in addition, had15! outside clients. He worked out with a personal trainer, was in training for a triathlon and…whew!! I am exhausted just listing all of this.

Coming from very humble beginnings, Mel’s inner critic screamed that he was a stupid, lazy, good-for-nothing. He was fighting so hard to break away from the stories of his past, he lost sight of what was truly important today. And the result? His productivity began to diminish in the process.

Mel originally came to me to work on building his coaching business. The fact is, it didn’t take long for the whole truth to come out. As the picture of his life was revealed, it became clear that he was careening down the road at a very fast pace, and the wheels were starting to come off.

He admitted things were getting out of control. One request he made was for me to bluntly call him out if he missed an appointment or didn’t complete something he had committed to, which happened in various areas of his life occasionally. Things were so out of control, he felt like he was missing milestones in his children’s lives. There was major tension with his wife, who didn’t feel that she was important to him. This was reinforced when she caught a glance at his Franklin Covey planner (we actually used paper calendars back then) and saw she was penciled in for a weekly, 15 minute “talk to wife” slot.

Mel’s big turnaround moment came when he missed an important family event due to poor planning on his part. An oversight, really. He didn’t take the time to listen to what was going on around him, and connect with his wife. He was devastated, especially when his wife brought up the possibility of divorce.

And, that’s when he got really busy. Busy in a way that was unfamiliar to him. Busy talking to me about what was really going on, and creating a plan of action that aligned with his values and vision. Busy un-scheduling things. He drastically reduced his outside clients (from 15 to 5) and referred the others to his fellow coaches-in-training. He moved away from his heavy involvement with the inner-city church, which was an hour’s drive from his home, and committed to looking for a church closer to where they lived. He began working one day a week from home. And, with the time he was finding, he began doing things that aligned with his values. With his wife, he created a Friday Date Night, every week. Next, he added in weekly family outings and also special time spent with each son.

The last time we spoke, he had completed his coach training, and was moving into building his own successful business. Finding clients has never been a challenge for him – he worried that he would have too many to take good care of! Now, he is authentically productive, in a way that is fulfilling and rewarding. The current plan is to have 2 vacations this year – one to DisneyWorld with the whole family, and another romantic getaway with his wife. Most important thing of all? He is happy, and is living in alignment with his values and purpose.

The lesson for Mel? Sometimes you have to let go of your old, deeply ingrained stories, patterns and beliefs to make room for the good stuff.

Truth is, there may be a little Mel in each of us that we can learn from. Question is – what are you holding onto that is no longer serving you? What will it take for you to let it go?